Friday, June 29, 2012

One year ago...

I didn't know what life would look like a year ago today.  We lost our first pregnancy on this day, and I had no idea what plans God had for us.  One year later, I know we are where we're supposed to be, and God's plan is perfect, and Emersyn was meant to be our first "take home" baby, but Blake and I  will never forget our first child.

Someday we'll tell Emersyn about her big brother or sister, waiting for us in heaven.  And today, and every day, we'll remember them.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Friday Randoms

~I still read all my favorite blogs, thanks to google reader on my iPhone during nursing sessions, but I have become a semi-slacker about commenting, because I can't do it from google reader one handed.  So, when I get on the computer, I find myself commenting on posts from bloggie friends that are days (or weeks) old.  Is that weird?  Should I just not comment on those posts?

~Emersyn has slept for 5 hour stretches 3 nights this week.  The other nights she was up every couple hours (or more), but those nights give me hope!  I think the longer stretches are directly related to a reduction in gas issues for E, which I THINK is related to me increasing how often I'm burping her.  I feel like an idiot that it took me this long to figure it out, but everything I was reading said that even for an overactive letdown, I should be burping her between breasts or after 5-7 minutes. Well, she only takes one breast in a feeding, and sometimes only nursed for 7 minutes, so I was just burping her after a feeding.  But, I could hear her gulping air early on, so I started burping her every couple minutes, and I think it's helping!  Not only is she sleeping better (sometimes), but she's also SO much happier during the day, and again, I feel horrible it took me so long to do this, but better late than never, right?!?

~Speaking of being a horrible mom, my baby STILL has that stupid diaper rash.  She's had it since Mother's Day, which means it's going on 6 weeks!  Per the pediatrician, we switched to cloth wipes (I bought grapefruit seed extract to add to the wash so we're not reinfecting her, instead of the bleach), we tried over the counter anti-fungal cream and Desitin, then we moved on to a prescription anti-fungal, and a special compounded cream (which was not covered by insurance gahhh), and as of yesterday the dr prescribed a NEW anti-fungal since it's STILL not gone.  We've spent over $150 on prescriptions and creams trying to get rid of it.  It will get down to just a few bumps between her cheeks for a few days, and then all of a sudden will flare up again.  We've also had lots of naked time.
I'm so glad I took home a waterproof pad from the hospital for this very reason.  She hangs out on this thing for about an hour a day- which is how long it take for it to no longer be dry, as yesterday she pooped on it 3 times and peed on it twice in that hour.  The doctor said if this last prescription doesn't clear it up in a couple of days to come back in because it may be strep or staph.  Yup, mom of the year right here.  At least she still seems to be reaching developmental milestones fast- look at her holding her head up like a champ!  PS I don't actually know when she's supposed to be hitting those milestones, I just choose to believe she's advanced:)

~Good news- we found a new house in the town we're moving to, and we're putting a bid in today! Bad news- it will be contingent on our house selling (another showing today), and hubs getting licensed (he's scheduled his tests for OK, but still hasn't gotten his approval to test for MO, which is SO ANNOYING, because we can't move until he's licensed in MO, but starting in July, he'll be working up there full time).

~When hubs is working in MO, his brother and SIL have generously allowed him to stay with them, which is a huge blessing.  They've also said E and I can stay with them, and we'll be doing that some, but we really want to just get moved up there because everyone needs their own space, and we'd really prefer that his bro and SIL still like us by the time this summer is over haha.

~The house we're bidding on is, umm, above of our original price range, but after looking at a lot of houses, and watching the market for months, we decided to increase our budget, which means it will take longer to pay off those pesky student loans.  It was a hard decision, because we're pretty comfortable in the house we're in now (which is much smaller and less expensive than the house we're bidding on), but we also plan to be in our next home for a long time, and hope to add at least one more kiddo to the mix (possibly 2 or 3 more, eek!) and don't want to outgrow a house in a couple of years.  That being said, we're putting in a pretty low bid, and hoping that they accept it since its been on the market for a year and a half!

~My dad's cancer is B-Cell Lymphoma.  It is very aggressive, and at least Stage 3.  He is being referred to Mayo Clinic.  Continued prayers are very much appreciated.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Father's Day

We spent the weekend and Father's Day with my in-laws up in Missouri.  They own a houseboat, and it was wonderful to have a relaxing weekend on the water.  It was also the perfect celebration for my hubby's first Father's Day:)  Of course, I called our pediatrician beforehand to find out if there was anything we needed or needed to avoid (got the ok to use sunscreen on E, but no lake water).

Get excited for photo overload!
Someone was getting hungry:)

Auntie Jeni making sure we get up all the bubbles

 Since we weren't putting her in the lake, we brought along her bathtub and seat so we could have fresh water and still let her play and keep cool.

Sweet baby rolls:)

Mama loves you Emersyn!

So does Mimi and Granddad!

Hanging out with Mom in our matching swimsuits!

Family photo at the lake (E was kinda over the photoshoot haha).

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Developing perseverance.

One summer, when I was around 5 years old, my parents (specifically my Dad), decided us kids were watching too much tv and came up with the idea of having us memorize scripture to "earn" tv time.  We started in the book of James, and to this day I can quote several of the verses, and they often spring to mind when I'm facing something difficult.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 

We found out on Monday that my Dad has cancer.  They believe it is Lymphoma, but we don't have all the information yet.  There's a lot running through my mind, and I'm so thankful that my Dad made me memorize these verses so long ago, because I'm clinging to them right now.  My Dad is a strong man of faith, and we serve a big God, but we aren't promised and easy road, and his is about to get really rough.  I covet your prayers, for healing for my Dad, or for strength to face whatever path lies ahead.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

For this child I prayed.

When we started trying for a baby last year, we bathed the decision in prayer.  We weren't sure what God's path for us would include.  We had no idea we would get pregnant quickly, and miscarry quickly, and then get pregnant again.  That time in our lives was scary, and devastating, and exciting, and overall, very emotionally charged.  I have always considered myself to be a person of faith, but I am also a planner, and for the first time in my life, I found myself having to fully rely on Christ, and surrender control over to Him.  During our miscarriage, I never doubted my faith, or God, but I did wonder why He would allow us to become pregnant if we didn't get to keep the baby.  And when we became pregnant again, I learned the meaning of "praying without ceasing" as I prayed for the privilege of a healthy pregnancy and baby.  

Emersyn is our blessing from God.  Last Sunday we dedicated her to Christ and ourselves to raising her in a Christian home.  Our hope is that one day she will come to accept Jesus as her Savior and have a personal relationship with Him.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Dr. and Mrs.

Four long years in the making.  Four years of late nights of studying for him and prayer for me.  Four years of attempting to learn pharmacy lingo so I could quiz my hubby.  Four years of student loans (which will take MUCH longer than four years to pay back).  Four years of strict budgeting and saying not yet to things we wanted.  Four years of cramming for tests and projects and working for free (actually, paying someone to let him work for them).  Four years of having no idea how he was fitting all that information into his brain.

It was all worth it, and I am so very proud to be the Mrs. to this Dr.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Dear Emersyn: One Month


Part of me can't believe it's already been a month since you were born.  The other part of me is beyond aware that I haven't slept for longer than a few hours at a time in a month haha.  You are definitely worth it though- even when it's the 6th time in an hour that I'm up with you, you look into my eyes and my heart just melts.

I think you're starting to figure out who I am, and it's so exciting to me.  The other day we were dealing with your diaper rash and you were just in tears and I scooped you up and rocked you while telling you that you were safe, mommy had you, and you stopped crying and just looked at me with those big blue (for now) eyes.  It was like you recognized me and felt safe in my arms and I knew it was my responsibility to keep you safe and happy.

It's amazing how much you've changed in a month- you have so much more control over your head and body now, you seem a lot more "baby" than infant already.  You weigh 10 lbs and have the sweetest, chunky legs, arms, and neck.  I could just gobble you up!

We've had a very exciting month- your Daddy graduated from Pharmacy school and we had your dedication at church.  You were such an awesome baby through these important occasions, I was so proud of you!  You just slept like a trooper!

Speaking of sleeping, we're still working on getting some kind of schedule going.  You sleep the absolute best with us in our bed, but that makes Mama nervous, so we only do it on the rare occasion you're having an especially rough night and we're desperate for sleep.  We're pretty much guaranteed a good long stretch when you snuggle in with us.  I can't tell if it's because you like to be close to us, or if it's because you don't like to be swaddled, or because when you sleep with us you sleep on your side (and love it).  We've tried letting you sleep unswaddled in your crib, and you usually roll to your side there too, but you just don't sleep as soundly in there unswaddled.

 You're still nursing really well, and we gave you a bottle for the first time at 3.5 weeks, and you did great with that!  You looked at your Daddy like he'd been holding out on you, it was so cute!  Since then you've had a few and you do really well with them.  I love that we have that as an option for you so Daddy and I can go on some dates.

You also LOVE your pacifier and you get the funniest look on your face when we give it to you- your eyes get really big and you just chomp on it like it's the best thing in the whole world.

I love you so much, Emersyn, and I love being your mama.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Hospital Bag: What I Did and Did Not Need

My wonderful friend, Jessica, is due with a baby boy at the end of June and is packing her hospital bags.  She asked me to do an update on what I did and did not use.  I definitely overpacked, but honestly, I have no regrets because I felt uber prepared, and some of my things didn't get used just because we had an induction and relatively short labor instead of a c-section.  And so, here's my updated list.  And yes, I had two separate bags for labor and postpartum, and I really liked that since it meant we had less to bring up to the labor room.  However, I wish I had the lanolin and folder for her documents in our labor bag as we could have used them both as soon as she was out.

Laptop/ charger- labor
Camera (d7000), lenses (35mm, 24-70), -postpartum
Phone/ charger- labor
Point and shoot camera- labor
Tennis ball- for counter pressure on back- labor

Pillow and pillowcase- labor
Notebook and pen- labor
Photo id and insurance card- labor
Birth plan- labor
Monopoly Deal- labor
Boppy- postpartum
Pump- postpartum
Snacks- labor
Money for vending machine- labor
Soft toilet paper- postpartum
Laundry bag- postpartum

I was SHOCKED I never used my laptop.  I thought I would use it during labor and after, but honestly before the drugs I was in too much pain to do anything but think about contractions and breathing, and once I got my epidural I actually napped a little bit and watched HGTV (we don't have cable at home).  Postpartum we used our iPhones instead of computer or point and shoot camera.  I did use my good camera to take photos at the hospital and I'm glad I had them.  I didn't open up my pump until about 3 weeks postpartum, and I had heard it is a good idea to take a pump for the lactation people to show you how to use it, but umm, mine was pretty self explanatory and there wasn't any milk at the hospital, so it would have been pointless.  The notebook and pen was great to write down everything that went on so I could write my birth story, and the soft toilet paper was very useful for afterwards.


Comfy pants- purple maternity jammies- postpartum
Nursing tank- black one from Kristina- postpartum

2 Nursing nightgowns- postpartum and labor
Black Robe- labor
Going home outfit for me- maxi dress and cardi with flats- postpartum
Cheap undies- postpartum
Nursing bra- black- labor
Slipper socks with grips on bottom- labor and postpartum
Flip flops
Bikini top- labor

If you have a vaginal birth, they do check you down there several times the first day, so I was glad I had a nightgown instead of pants.  However, after the first night and morning, they didn't really check me that much so I could have put on my comfy pants and nursing tank, but I didn't KNOW they wouldn't be checking me as often, so I never used them.  The black robe was a must have for me both at the hospital and now here at home (wearing as I type).  It's just a cheap jersey robe from Walmart, but it doesn't show anything (blood at the hospital and spit up at home), and when you get out of bed in the middle of the night to nurse and you realize you've sweat out half your body weight and are now chilling, it's great to throw on on your way to the bebe.  If I hadn't had an induction I may have used the bikini top to labor in the shower, but once you have the iv in you can't really move much beyond the bed, so no need for that, or the slipper socks for me.


Chapstick- labor
Makeup- postpartum
Facewash pads- postpartum
Deodorant- postpartum
Razor- postpartum
Chi- postpartum

Shampoo & Conditioner
Pads- postpartum
Toothbrush- postpartum
Toothpaste- postpartum
Brush- postpartum
Baby powder (if I don't want to wash my hair)- postpartum
Hair ties- labor
Nursing pads- labor
Lanolin cream- postpartum

Shower CapNail file 

Since I had an induction, I was able to go to the hospital with first day hair, haha, so I never washed my hair at the hospital and didn't need shampoo, conditioner or my chi.  The big thing on this part of the list would be the Lanolin cream, which I needed right away, and the facewash pads- really helped me feel clean without having to get up and wash my face in the bathroom that first night when I was so sore.

For Blake
Swim trunks- if he gets in shower with me during labor
Change of clothes (2)

Obviously Blake didn't need his swim trunks if I didn't need my bikini top.  The big thing on this part of the list is the hoodie, which Blake did not pack, and ended up wishing he had.  Normally he is the guy in shorts with no cover to sleep while I'm in flannels and have the comforter on me.  Not so much at the hospital.  Even my doctor commented on how cold it was in the room, but I didn't let anyone touch the thermostat because I was warm most of the time, and when I had my few bouts of nausea and lightheadedness, I REALLY wanted it cold in there.  Everyone else could just deal!  So, even if your hubs thinks there's no way you'll ever be warmer natured than him, during labor is when it will happen.  Oh, and funny story about the snacks, I specifically had it in our birth plan that no one could bring food into the room when I couldn't eat, but Blake ate some jerky while I was napping, and it woke me up because I could smell it.  He felt really bad, but thankfully I had a fairly short labor and didn't get too hungry until later in the day.  I wasn't too thrilled about being woken up, but I had made a mental pact with myself to really try to maintain a good attitude and kindness toward my hubs during labor, so I didn't say anything. 

Diaper bag- postpartumCouple of diapers

Swaddle blanket
Mineral Oil

Hand sanitizer
Nursing Cover
Folder for documents
Outfit for going home (one in newborn, one in 0-3)

We didn't need a whole lot for E, most stuff was provided by the hospital, including a swaddle blanket, but I was glad we had ours for going home with.  Also, we used her bag to bring a lot of things home (all the stuff the hospital provided like diapers for her and pads for me, plus all the pain management stuff like the sitz bath etc.)  The folder was really handy for keeping paperwork in one place.

So that's my take on what to bring, and even with all the stuff I didn't use, I'm not sure I would change anything for the next bambino, because if I'd ended up with a c-section I may have needed some of those things since we would have been in the hospital longer.