Whelp, it took me less than two weeks to succumb to the exhaustion and admit that being a mama is freaking hard. Right now I'm really struggling with breastfeeding, because Blake can't help out with feedings, which means when E wakes up every two hours, it takes a forty-five minutes to feed/change/ burp her, and then get back to sleep, I'm getting sleep in hour and fifteen minute increments. Keep in mind this is when nursing goes well and she's not spitting out my boob or falling asleep as soon as it enters her mouth. Pretty sure it's all normal, and exactly what everyone warns your about, but experiencing it sucks. I said to my hubs this morning, I'm too tired to sleep. Even when E sleeps, I feel like I'm just waiting for her to cry again and I can't settle down enough to sleep.
E's been having some bad episodes of projectile spit up and gas pains. Last night, her sheet, hair, blanket, and onesie all got covered, which means it all got changed, mid screams at 4am, then I fed her, and while burping her, more spit up, which went all down my front and pooled in my nursing bra. Awesome.
And today? Baby girl is in pain from gas and we're both in tears. Her because her belly hurts and me because she's in pain, I can't make it better, I feel like it's my fault and I'm so.freaking.tired. I know I'm rambling, and please don't think I'm a horrible parent, but being responsible for this little person's happiness and nourishment 24/7 feels overwhelming. Being covered in spit up and breastmilk, and bleeding out your hoo ha, and waking up sweating thanks to the hormones is gross. I am still in my pjs and my big accomplishment for today was putting on deodorant at 2pm.
Thank God for my SIL. She's a breastfeeding champ, and somehow knows exactly when I'm struggling and I magically get an encouraging call with helpful tips. Because of her our afternoon has been a lot better than our night and morning. She listened to what was going on and figured out that E was getting too much air when she nurses (duh, Lori), so this afternoon I tried nursing laying down, which is supposed to help with the air intake, and E actually slept for a couple of hours, woke up, nursed again, and is asleep again. Her gas seems to be working itself out and we're going to try some gas drops tonight if it still seems to be hurting her.
Just keeping it real, and thankful for any prayers you can send our way.
I'm right there with you!! Every night feeding while hubs is sleeping I wonder why I don't just give in to formula *sigh* Keep your head up!
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ReplyDeleteBreastfeeding is by far the hardest part at the beginning! I remember crying at least once a day (usually more) out of frustration and exhaustion. One of my friends gave me great advice to set very small goals for myself (another day or week at the beginning). My original goal was 3 months but that seemed SO far away at the beginning. My little man is now 6 months old and I am still nursing.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if you were told that breastfed babies do not need to be burped. I was told this and have read many other people that heard the same thing. It is not true! Burp your little one:). I wish I had more advice for how to get through the beginning but it is all a blur now. Just make sure you enjoy your little one and do what makes you a happy mamma.
Kelly
aww, sweetie, hang in there. I remember those early weeks so well and after reading this post it's even more real. Totally normal and I promise you it WILL get better. Just ride the waves and stay in 'survival' mode right now, sleep when you can and do NOT worry about being a good mommy. You are doing the best you can and baby E is very lucky to have you!
ReplyDeleteI am right behind you sistah.. We leave the hospital today and I'm definitely worried about how things will go..keep us posted and we all are thinking of you!
ReplyDeleteYou are completely justified in feeling overwhelmed, because you have to keep so many thing in motion, all while extremely tired! Just like the others said, hang in there. It really DOES turn a corner after about four or six weeks, and then, by three months, you'll have it down pat. You are just learning her and she is learning you (and learning how to be a little person!), and it can get confusing sometimes. I know you've got a lot on your plate--just keep going each day, keep trying to figure her out, and then, when all else fails, hide in the closet and eat dark chocolate. At least that works for me. ;)
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